Seriously... I Didn't Sniff It!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, a stadium full of Nats fans believed I sniffed a jersey that I had won (I DIDN'T SNIFF IT!)

I went to the game today, and wouldn't ya know, SEVERAL people asked me about this incident, and every single one of them believed I sniffed the jersey.  I DIDN'T!  I DIDN'T SNIFF IT!

A Day Full of Ups and Downs

Yesterday can really only be described as a day that could only happen to me.  I mean, REALLY.

First, I thought my ipod had been stolen by the place I got my car serviced.  I TORE APART my car and couldn't find it.  I ended up finding it doing another search that I thought was pointless after I got home, so... we'll skip this saga.

THE GOOD:

I got another invite from the Nats to watch batting practice from just behind the dugout.  I got to do this earlier in the year, and for whatever reason, I thought it was pretty amazingly awesome.  (This part of the stadium isn't open during BP, so I usually have to watch from the outfield.  The dugout gives you a whole different perspective, and it's amazing.  Because I'm a huge baseball nerd.)  I met my friend Gus who was able to come as my guest, and we watched the Nats take bp from up close and personal.  We learned that Matt Williams throws bp... we had no idea!  Very cool.

THE BAD:
After watching BP and then hanging out with Lulu, Gus, and my usher friend Quan, I ran to the bathroom on my way up to my seats before the game.  I set my phone down, and it fell onto the floor.  Screen SHATTERED.  The front camera lens isn't damaged, and everything still works, but it's a hot mess to try and read things.  Not awesome.

THE GOOD:

I WON A SIGNED DESI JERSEY!!!  On the way to watch BP, I stopped by the Nats Plus table where some guys were set up for people to renew their season plans.  The Nats have been giving away prizes to people who renew their plans for next year, and I wanted to make sure we were in the running, as we renewed online over the past weekend.  My conversation went as follows:

Me:  Hi!  I renewed my plan over the weekend and I just wanted to make sure I was in the running to win the season plan renewal prize thingie that yall have been doing. 

Nats Guy:  Hold on. [makes phone call]
On phone:  Do we have a winner?  Ok. 

Nats Guy:  [Very flatly] You won.  What's your phone number and account number? 

Me:  Um.  Wait.  WHAT?!

So I provided him with my phone number, account information, and seat location.  After the game started, I got a phone call from a Nats person stating they would be coming to my seats shortly.  OMG.

THE BAD:

There are no words for the bad.  Well, there are, because I'm writing about it, but seriously.  This could ONLY happen to me.  I was very anxiously awaiting Nats people to show up to give me my prize, and I was DYING to know what it was.  The Nat Pack people came, and then Mike Ploger, the in-game host, arrived.  He recognized me and laughed, as we've had several run ins this season (stories for another time).  I moved to the end of the row to make things easier for them, and he sat in the aisle, and we chatted for a few minutes.  At the break between innings, I suddenly found myself on the scoreboard, which is... well... awkward.  And embarrassing.  Mike then asked me a question, which he had given me zero warning about, and I somehow forest gumped my way through a response.  Then he handed me the signed Desi jersey.  I was sitting there looking at it while he continued to talk and it was slowly dawning on me that I won a SIGNED DESI JERSEY.  The moment suddenly became overwhelming, and I said, out loud, "HOLY CRAP."  Then I thought oh shit, I just said crap.  OH FUCK I JUST ALMOST SAID SHIT OMFG STOP ALMOST TALKING!  To prevent myself from saying any of these other terrible four letter words, I covered my mouth.  As soon as we were FINALLY off the scoreboard, Mike looked at me and said "they asked me if it smelled good," and the Nats Pack girl who was standing there was laughing and said "he didn't wear it!"  I was.... confused, as I had no idea what they were talking about.  Then it hit me.  I was holding the jersey when I had covered my mouth, so I had covered my mouth WITH THE JERSEY... which made it look like I was SNIFFING the jersey.  In front of 30,000+ people.  OH.MY.GOD.  After the game, two ladies in the bathroom came up to me and were like "you won the jersey!  AND YOU SNIFFED IT!  That's awesome, I would have sniffed it, too!"  No one believes that I didn't sniff it (I DIDN'T SNIFF IT!).  Lulu and several other friends tried to make a hashtag related to this happen.  OMG.

This would seriously only happen to me.

More Name Calling

My previously mentioned client?  Yeah, he continues to not do well.  And he continues to be angry that I'm attempting to get him back on a good path.  Damn I'm a bitch.

So, I found myself back at his place.  With a coworker, because he doesn't really want to see or talk to me.  Unaware that I was present, he told my coworker:

Erika is a wench.

This might be my most favorite insult ever hurled at me.  Wench.  Who says that?  I mean, really?!  Wench!  I think I'm supposed to be upset by this, but I can't really bring myself to muster those feelings.  I'm really more amused than anything else.

He definitely gets points for creativity.

Work is Fun

So, my job is.... well, difficult at times.  I work with difficult people that often find themselves in difficult situations.  I often believe that if all my clients like me all of the time, I'm not doing my job right.  I'm the one that's supposed to push them when they don't want to be pushed.  I'm the one that's supposed to point out that perhaps the decisions they're making aren't the best, and maybe, just maybe, they should consider some alternatives.  This doesn't always make me their most favorite person.

As a wonderful example of this, one of my client's has taken over as the President of my fan club.  Things aren't going .... well.  And apparently that is all my fault.  I also suck because I keep intervening in his poor decision making.  Because, ya know, I'd like him to be ok.  Or whatever.

I went over to his place unannounced to check on him.  When I arrived, he was on the phone, so I listened for a few minutes.  I was unsure who he was speaking to, but he was very obviously speaking about me.  My favorite gem from the conversation:

She is dumber than nails.

Well, there ya go.  I'm dumber than nails.

I love my job I love my job I love my job....

So... Spiders Kinda Scare Me, Yall

Last night following the baseball game, I stopped in the bathroom before heading out of the park like I usually do.  The following would only happen to me...

I shuffled into the next available stall, dreading having to peel my jeans off thanks to the excessive heat of the entire evening.  I shut and locked the door, hung up my bag, and set my phone and souvenir cup down.  Just before turning around to peel of my icky jeans, something caught my eye, and I stopped.  Dangling from the bottom of the sanitary seat cover container on the back wall was a spider.  Oh.Em.Gee.

I stood there stunned for a few seconds and attempted to rationalize this situation.  It's hot, and I'd really like to pee and head out so I can get to some air conditioning.  There's a line of people waiting for the bathroom, and I don't want to walk out of this stall to then cut in front of the next person in line to take a different one while admitting to the entire bathroom that I'm this level of crazy.  It's ok.  It's a spider that's way on the back wall.  It won't bother me.  I'm just going to turn around and quickly go to the bathroom and get out of here.  Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do.  I'm going to turn around.... right now.  Turn around.  Ok, on three, I'm going to turn around and just get this over with.  One.  Two.  Two and a half... thre---

OMG I CAN'T TURN AROUND.  I can't turn my back on this spider.  As soon as I do, IT WILL JUMP ON ME AND KILL ME, and I'll be TRAPPED in this little stall PANTSLESS.  And I'll die.  Pantsless at the ballpark.  THAT CAN'T BE MY LAST MOMENT.

NOPE.

So I left the stall and ran into a new one that was much safer and spider free (I checked.  A LOT.)  Obvi.  Because had I stayed in the original stall, that spider would have jumped on me and killed me as soon as I turned my back on it.

New Era

I've worked at my job for over 6 and a half years.  Most of my coworkers have been there for well over a decade.  Our office as been at its current location for over 20 yrs.

Until today.

Yesterday, we finished packing up the entire building and said goodbye to our little corner of the world.  We've been in a little stand alone building, separate from all other services, for the entire life of my program.  We have lots of flowers and flowering trees (many of the plants are memorials for people who have come and gone in the time we've been around), get visits from all the neighborhood dogs that need some grass in order to pee, have fun wildlife (for a more urban area) like bunnies and tons of birds (including hawks!), we're in a great location near the metro and restaurants and bars, and, most importantly, we're next door to firemen.  who like to exercise outdoors when it's nice.

Today, I was a squatter at a random desk while a few coworkers assisted with the actual move.  Everyone else was smarter than I am, and took the day off.  We've moved into 4 floor building, and are now just part of one of those floors rather than being our own space.  It's... a weird feeling.  There are lots of positives, as we've long outgrown the space we had at our old building, and everything inside of it was old.  We have all new things, more space, and, while we all liked being separate, there is a lot of convenience with being so close to other services.

Monday and Tuesday are going to be extremely hectic, as we have to unpack and organize an entire program, so we can be ready to reopen on Wednesday.  Should be an experience.  Hopefully we'll all settle in soon and find more positives than negatives about our move.

How does this kind of stuff always happen to me?

My morning...

-Coop, my awesomely insane, completely neurotic dog, scratched the shit out of my leg while jumping on it rather than over it to jump off the bed.  bleeding ensued.
-While outside walking my awesomely insane, completely neurotic dog, I saw two unattended dogs at the end of the street.  I always feel compelled to help, bc that's what a decent human would do, and I would want someone to do the same for me if Cooper ever got loose.  The bigger of the two dogs ran past us up the street, but the little accessory-sized dog who was approx. 87 yrs old came over to say hello.  I somehow managed to corral him, which was quite the feat bc he was super wet, so I couldn't pick him up.  Trying to hang on to an accessory dog's collar while simultaneously walk my dog is no easy task.  This little thing surely did stick his head right in Coop's crotch when he finally tried to pee.  I got a leash on this little guy and crated mine so I could walk Chewy home.  This, of course, made Coop think I was abandoning him for the new dog, and he cried this horrible noise while I was leaving (seriously... it sounds like he's being skinned alive).  I could hear him two houses down.  While walking Chewy home, he began humping my leg, and WOULDNT STOP.  The entire walk to his place, this little shit wouldn't let go of my leg.  For such a small, old thing, his front legs are super strong.  I finally got him home and turned him over to a less than grateful girl.  You're welcome.
-This act of kindness made me late for work.
-As soon as I turned my computer on at the office, I had to call IT.  Yesterday started with two back to back IT calls, and today's issue was a repeat of issue #1 yesterday (this same thing also happened last week).  Finally, it got fixed.... at least for now.  We'll see tomorrow.
-Shortly after I finally got settled, I heard a weird noise from around the cube wall, and a coworker was wandering around yelling about needing a box.  I walked over, and a client was holding a very upset, very ugly (so ugly he was adorable) baby bird.  So, I grabbed a box and took him outside and contacted animal control.  I couldn't find a nest he had fallen out of, so I put him on the ground by some bushes near trees and hoped his parents could find him while I waited for animal control to call me back (they, of course, were closed).  This little shit ran into the street.  I rescued him and put him back, and he did it again.  AND AGAIN.  I finally got animal control on the phone, and they told me a bird of his age often falls out of his nest, and he would be fine and his parents would continue to parent him.  I mentioned that he kept running into the street, and I was told "imagine all your teenage years shoved into 3 days... smart decisions don't often happen."  I spent much of the morning watching Abner (yes, I named him.. after all that I was kind of attached) out the window, and would swear every time he ran into the street.  A coworker rescued him several times as well.

All this before 8:30 am.