How does this kind of stuff always happen to me?

My morning...

-Coop, my awesomely insane, completely neurotic dog, scratched the shit out of my leg while jumping on it rather than over it to jump off the bed.  bleeding ensued.
-While outside walking my awesomely insane, completely neurotic dog, I saw two unattended dogs at the end of the street.  I always feel compelled to help, bc that's what a decent human would do, and I would want someone to do the same for me if Cooper ever got loose.  The bigger of the two dogs ran past us up the street, but the little accessory-sized dog who was approx. 87 yrs old came over to say hello.  I somehow managed to corral him, which was quite the feat bc he was super wet, so I couldn't pick him up.  Trying to hang on to an accessory dog's collar while simultaneously walk my dog is no easy task.  This little thing surely did stick his head right in Coop's crotch when he finally tried to pee.  I got a leash on this little guy and crated mine so I could walk Chewy home.  This, of course, made Coop think I was abandoning him for the new dog, and he cried this horrible noise while I was leaving (seriously... it sounds like he's being skinned alive).  I could hear him two houses down.  While walking Chewy home, he began humping my leg, and WOULDNT STOP.  The entire walk to his place, this little shit wouldn't let go of my leg.  For such a small, old thing, his front legs are super strong.  I finally got him home and turned him over to a less than grateful girl.  You're welcome.
-This act of kindness made me late for work.
-As soon as I turned my computer on at the office, I had to call IT.  Yesterday started with two back to back IT calls, and today's issue was a repeat of issue #1 yesterday (this same thing also happened last week).  Finally, it got fixed.... at least for now.  We'll see tomorrow.
-Shortly after I finally got settled, I heard a weird noise from around the cube wall, and a coworker was wandering around yelling about needing a box.  I walked over, and a client was holding a very upset, very ugly (so ugly he was adorable) baby bird.  So, I grabbed a box and took him outside and contacted animal control.  I couldn't find a nest he had fallen out of, so I put him on the ground by some bushes near trees and hoped his parents could find him while I waited for animal control to call me back (they, of course, were closed).  This little shit ran into the street.  I rescued him and put him back, and he did it again.  AND AGAIN.  I finally got animal control on the phone, and they told me a bird of his age often falls out of his nest, and he would be fine and his parents would continue to parent him.  I mentioned that he kept running into the street, and I was told "imagine all your teenage years shoved into 3 days... smart decisions don't often happen."  I spent much of the morning watching Abner (yes, I named him.. after all that I was kind of attached) out the window, and would swear every time he ran into the street.  A coworker rescued him several times as well.

All this before 8:30 am.